2025-05-13 07:58:31 +02:00
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require 'sinatra'
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require 'json'
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require 'rack/accept'
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require 'time'
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use Rack::Accept
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NO_RESPONSES = {
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"en" => [
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"No.", "Nope.", "Nah.", "Nuh-uh.", "Negative.", "Nay.",
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"Hell no.", "Not in a million years.", "Get lost.",
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"Not happening, buddy.", "Why don't you try asking someone else?",
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"Are you kidding me?", "Absolutely not, go away.",
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"I’m terribly sorry, but no.", "I regret to inform you that I cannot comply.",
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"Unfortunately, that will not be possible at this time.",
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"I must respectfully decline your request.", "I wish I could, but sadly I cannot.",
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"It would be my pleasure to help, but I must regretfully decline.",
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"With the greatest respect, I must say no.",
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"I apologize, but I must kindly refuse your request."
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],
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"de" => ["Nein.", "Keineswegs."],
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"fr" => ["Non.", "Jamais."],
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"ja" => ["いいえ", "ダメです。"],
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"ru" => ["Нет", "Никак нет"],
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"pt" => ["Não.", "De jeito nenhum."],
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"es" => ["No.", "Para nada."],
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"pl" => ["Nie.", "W żadnym wypadku."],
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"fi" => ["Ei.", "Ei todellakaan."],
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"tr" => ["Hayır.", "Bu değil."],
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"he" => ["לא"],
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"hi" => ["नहीं", "बिलकुल नहीं"],
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"no" => ["Nei.", "Absolutt ikke.", "Ikke tale om."],
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"sv" => ["Nej.", "Inte alls."],
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"da" => ["Nej.", "Ikke en chance."],
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"it" => ["No.", "Assolutamente no."],
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"nl" => ["Nee.", "Absoluut niet."],
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"cs" => ["Ne.", "Rozhodně ne."],
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"ko" => ["아니요.", "절대 안 돼요."],
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"zh" => ["不。", "绝对不行。"]
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}
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RATE_LIMIT = {
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window: 60, # seconds
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limit: 60 # requests per IP per window
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}
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$requests = {}
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helpers do
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def client_ip
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request.env['HTTP_X_FORWARDED_FOR'] || request.ip
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end
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def log_to_journald(message)
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IO.popen(["/usr/bin/systemd-cat", "--identifier=noaas"], "w") { |io| io.puts message }
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rescue
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puts message # fallback to stdout
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end
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def log_structured(lang:, format:, status:, duration_ms:)
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log_entry = {
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timestamp: Time.now.utc.iso8601,
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ip: client_ip,
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method: request.request_method,
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path: request.path,
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user_agent: request.user_agent,
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language: lang,
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format: format,
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status: status,
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duration_ms: duration_ms
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}
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log_to_journald(JSON.generate(log_entry))
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end
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def rate_limited?
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ip = client_ip
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now = Time.now.to_i
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$requests[ip] ||= []
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$requests[ip].reject! { |timestamp| timestamp < now - RATE_LIMIT[:window] }
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if $requests[ip].size >= RATE_LIMIT[:limit]
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true
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else
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$requests[ip] << now
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false
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end
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end
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def preferred_language
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params["lang"] || request.env["HTTP_ACCEPT_LANGUAGE"].to_s.scan(/[a-z]{2}/).find do |lang|
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NO_RESPONSES.key?(lang)
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end || "en"
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end
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def no_message(lang)
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NO_RESPONSES[lang].sample
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end
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end
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before do
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@start_time = Process.clock_gettime(Process::CLOCK_MONOTONIC)
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end
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after do
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duration = ((Process.clock_gettime(Process::CLOCK_MONOTONIC) - @start_time) * 1000).round(2)
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lang = preferred_language
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format = request.preferred_type&.to_s || request.accept.first.to_s
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log_structured(lang: lang, format: format, status: response.status, duration_ms: duration)
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end
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get '/' do
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if rate_limited?
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2025-05-13 20:00:18 +02:00
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response = [ { status: 402, message: "I'm not paid enough for this." },
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{ status: 418, message: "I'm just a teapot."},
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{ status: 429, message: "Not so fast!"} ].sample
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status response[:status]
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2025-05-13 07:58:31 +02:00
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content_type :json
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2025-05-13 20:00:18 +02:00
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return { error: response[:message] }.to_json
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2025-05-13 07:58:31 +02:00
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end
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lang = preferred_language
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message = no_message(lang)
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if request.preferred_type.to_s == 'application/json' || request.accept.include?('application/json')
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content_type :json
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status 200
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{ message: message, language: lang }.to_json
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else
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content_type :html
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status 200
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"<!DOCTYPE html>
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<html lang='#{lang}'>
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<head>
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<meta charset='UTF-8'>
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<title>No as a Service</title>
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</head>
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<body style='font-family: sans-serif; text-align: center; margin-top: 20%; font-size: 2em;'>
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<p>#{message}</p>
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</body>
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</html>"
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end
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end
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