2025-05-24 20:27:14 +02:00
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# frozen_string_literal: true
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2025-05-13 07:58:31 +02:00
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require 'sinatra'
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require 'json'
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require 'rack/accept'
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require 'time'
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use Rack::Accept
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NO_RESPONSES = {
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2025-05-24 20:27:14 +02:00
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'en' => [
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'No.', 'Nope.', 'Nah.', 'Nuh-uh.', 'Negative.', 'Nay.',
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'Hell no.', 'Not in a million years.', 'Get lost.',
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'Not happening, buddy.', "Why don't you try asking someone else?",
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'Are you kidding me?', 'Absolutely not, go away.',
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'I’m terribly sorry, but no.', 'I regret to inform you that I cannot comply.',
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'Unfortunately, that will not be possible at this time.',
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'I must respectfully decline your request.', 'I wish I could, but sadly I cannot.',
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'It would be my pleasure to help, but I must regretfully decline.',
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'With the greatest respect, I must say no.',
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'I apologize, but I must kindly refuse your request.'
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2025-05-13 07:58:31 +02:00
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],
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2025-05-24 20:27:14 +02:00
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'de' => ['Nein.', 'Keineswegs.'],
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'fr' => ['Non.', 'Jamais.'],
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'ja' => ['いいえ', 'ダメです。'],
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'ru' => ['Нет', 'Никак нет'],
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'pt' => ['Não.', 'De jeito nenhum.'],
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'es' => ['No.', 'Para nada.'],
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'pl' => ['Nie.', 'W żadnym wypadku.'],
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'fi' => ['Ei.', 'Ei todellakaan.'],
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'tr' => ['Hayır.', 'Bu değil.'],
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'he' => ['לא'],
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'hi' => ['नहीं', 'बिलकुल नहीं'],
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'no' => ['Nei.', 'Absolutt ikke.', 'Ikke tale om.'],
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'sv' => ['Nej.', 'Inte alls.'],
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'da' => ['Nej.', 'Ikke en chance.'],
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'it' => ['No.', 'Assolutamente no.'],
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'nl' => ['Nee.', 'Absoluut niet.'],
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'cs' => ['Ne.', 'Rozhodně ne.'],
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'ko' => ['아니요.', '절대 안 돼요.'],
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'zh' => ['不。', '绝对不行。']
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}.freeze
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2025-05-13 07:58:31 +02:00
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RATE_LIMIT = {
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window: 60, # seconds
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limit: 60 # requests per IP per window
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2025-05-24 20:27:14 +02:00
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}.freeze
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2025-05-13 07:58:31 +02:00
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$requests = {}
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helpers do
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def client_ip
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request.env['HTTP_X_FORWARDED_FOR'] || request.ip
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end
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def log_to_journald(message)
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2025-05-24 20:27:14 +02:00
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IO.popen(['/usr/bin/systemd-cat', '--identifier=noaas'], 'w') { |io| io.puts message }
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rescue StandardError
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2025-05-13 07:58:31 +02:00
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puts message # fallback to stdout
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end
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def log_structured(lang:, format:, status:, duration_ms:)
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log_entry = {
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timestamp: Time.now.utc.iso8601,
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ip: client_ip,
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method: request.request_method,
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path: request.path,
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user_agent: request.user_agent,
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language: lang,
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format: format,
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status: status,
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duration_ms: duration_ms
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}
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log_to_journald(JSON.generate(log_entry))
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end
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def rate_limited?
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ip = client_ip
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now = Time.now.to_i
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$requests[ip] ||= []
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$requests[ip].reject! { |timestamp| timestamp < now - RATE_LIMIT[:window] }
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if $requests[ip].size >= RATE_LIMIT[:limit]
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true
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else
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$requests[ip] << now
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false
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end
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end
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def preferred_language
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[params['lang'], request.env['HTTP_ACCEPT_LANGUAGE'].to_s.scan(/[a-z]{2}/).first, 'en'].each do |lang|
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return lang if NO_RESPONSES.key?(lang)
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end || 'en'
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2025-05-13 07:58:31 +02:00
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end
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def no_message(lang)
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NO_RESPONSES[lang].sample
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end
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end
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before do
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@start_time = Process.clock_gettime(Process::CLOCK_MONOTONIC)
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end
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after do
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duration = ((Process.clock_gettime(Process::CLOCK_MONOTONIC) - @start_time) * 1000).round(2)
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lang = preferred_language
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format = request.preferred_type&.to_s || request.accept.first.to_s
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log_structured(lang: lang, format: format, status: response.status, duration_ms: duration)
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end
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get '/' do
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if rate_limited?
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response = [{ status: 402, message: "I'm not paid enough for this." },
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{ status: 418, message: "I'm just a teapot." },
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{ status: 429, message: 'Not so fast!' }].sample
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2025-05-13 20:00:18 +02:00
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status response[:status]
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2025-05-13 07:58:31 +02:00
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content_type :json
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2025-05-13 20:00:18 +02:00
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return { error: response[:message] }.to_json
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2025-05-13 07:58:31 +02:00
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end
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lang = preferred_language
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message = no_message(lang)
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if request.preferred_type.to_s == 'application/json' || request.accept.include?('application/json')
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content_type :json
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status 200
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{ message: message, language: lang }.to_json
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else
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content_type :html
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status 200
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"<!DOCTYPE html>
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<html lang='#{lang}'>
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<head>
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<meta charset='UTF-8'>
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<title>No as a Service</title>
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</head>
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<body style='font-family: sans-serif; text-align: center; margin-top: 20%; font-size: 2em;'>
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<p>#{message}</p>
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</body>
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</html>"
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end
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end
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